If You Can’t Be With the One You Love…
by littlesarahbigworld
…Love the One You’re With
I have a very rainbow-centric job…
…and I kinda dig it.
Truth Time: remember when I was not digging it? And not dealing well? (Here ‘s a refresher. Also here.)
And, really, I was pretty all over the place with most things. Emotionally. Some days my jobs were okay, some days I liked my friends, some days I felt like MAYBE I’d made the right choice…but other days I was just hanging in there. Like a cat on a tree branch.
But…then I decided not to make any more plans. Because making plans was stressing me out. See, making plans meant making A DECISION, which naturally involved re-assessing all past decisions, in an effort not to eff everything up again. But it also meant trying to figure out the future, and what I might want a month or a year from now.
And I just don’t know that, Friends. I just don’t know.
* * *
So. No more plans. Just here. Just this. Some other quote from Rent…
Seriously, though, letting go of the past AND the future has done wonders. Guess what? My jobs are awesome. I love kids. Even when they’re little shits. Okay, especially when they’re little shits. They’re just so bad ass. Look at what my kiddos did for the storytime craft last night:
A metaphor:
You know how some times everything sucks and your friends are flaky and your family doesn’t understand you and your job is killing your soul and you don’t want to do anything and nothing is ever going to get better? But then really it turns out you just needed to eat?
I guess I just “needed to eat.”
Also, glad things are looking up for you! I’ve been in the problem of thinking of the future and Mark told me to live in the here and now. So did Laurel. Everyone is right, it’s just hard. Thank you for the lovely post.
It is hard, but you’ve got to start with something small. For me, it was my apartment. I love my apartment. I love that I can do whatever I want here, and there’s nobody to judge. This shouldn’t be too hard for you, since your apartment is pretty effing awesome. Also, I work a lot on loving myself unconditionally. I’ve found that if I can love myself, pretty much everything else falls into place, or is at least okay.
Those are some happy pictures.
[…] Recently I realized that most of my anxiety stemmed from trying to figure out the next step. What do I want? Where should I go? How can I best plan out the future in order to move on from the past? […]