As I Please

by littlesarahbigworld


How to Go For a Natural High (High! High! High!)

Wednesday I walked to work, rising early and moving fast to get the blood flowing. Made it on time, too, and what a beautiful morning.

I left work an hour early (tummy ache), walked home. Stopped to buy fresh berries, soothing to the stomach and the soul. Staged a photo in my neighbor’s mossy front lawn.

Pool time with Espy and Little Sis–reading (Sarah Silverman), swimming laps, dozing in the hot, dry mountain sun. The occasional breeze, a jam jar filled with water and cravings for flesh, for fries and shakes.

A decent walk with decent conversation to a local burger joint. An all-American meal.

The walk continues, the talking comes effortlessly and goes just deep enough. South Temple in the late afternoon sun. An exchange of gifts between friends–music, art, the promise of better things to come.

A few hours of moderate productivity followed by a late movie for one. A long, silent bike ride. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. Then writing, like I told you.

*       *       *

At the wedding I took naps and did headstands while everyone else went to the pool. I went to the pool with everyone else brunched. I ate my own food, drank as I pleased, went to bed early. Went running by myself, up up up through the mountains, chasing chipmunks and singing.

It occurs to me that this might seem strange, or anti-social, even. It’s just that I’ve gotten really good at knowing what I like, what I want and need at any given time. And it gets harder and harder not to do just that.

Because the reward for doing as I please is a steady contentment. It is the feeling of being on the right track.

Even if I don’t know where this track is headed.