Booze
by littlesarahbigworld
~OR~
Do I drink too much? Very well then, I drink too much. I am large, I contain multitudes of reasons for drinking.
Tuesday. I love that the liquor store is still open when I get off work. (All the way ’til 7pm! Way to be, Utah!). I like feeling grown-up for buying Bulleit instead of Jack Daniel’s. I like cradling my brown paper wrapped bourbon in the crook of my arm like a baby on the walk home walk home. I like putting on my PJs as soon as I get home and drinking bourbon with water. I love a long bath with a stiff drink to keep me company and Tibetan take-out. I love closing the blinds, pushing back all the furniture and turning up my sweet new speakers for maximum danceability.
I don’t like working from 6am to 6pm with an hour-and-a-half lunch break that I use to run errands and bike home, where I arrive sweating and immediately begin to dread returning to work.
I don’t like puking in my mouth a little bit on the way to Second Job, because I have stress-induced acid reflux and spit up like a damned baby. Because I ate too fast and then drank water (breaking all the reflux rules!), and because I have developed a Pavlovian response to Second Job that causes stomach cramping and increased bile.
I don’t like feeling that my boss could not be happier to see me go, or rid of me soon enough.
I don’t like crying on desk, having to dry my eyes with tissues and pretend it’s allergies (in November? Really?). Because I’m never sure that I’ve made the right decision. Because breaking up is hard to do, after 5 long years of service. Because I just want a familiar face, a friend, a warm tight hug…but instead there are children screaming and crying, and it pierces my thin skin, and it grates my nerves, and it doesn’t stop.
I don’t like that at all, Friends.
But I do like drinking. And the liquor store is still open.
little sarah Big World 
I hear ya Granddaughter! I have had jobs like that…don’t wish that on anyone. Follow your dreams!!
I dream of whiskey and water. Then I make it a reality 😉
I made a very big change this year, I left my job of 5 years (industry career of 10 years) to make half as much money. It was scary, and we are making life changes to accommodate the income changes. That was only one job, but I traveled a lot, worked terrible and long hours, and hated it for a very long time. No more crying or having trouble getting out of bed. No more pouting in my car and dreading going into my next appointment.
Good luck, you will figure it out when it is the right time.
… Bourbon is great… Cheers to you and happy holidays
I just struggle because I make a decision, and then all I can see are the downsides of the choice I’ve made and the positives of what I’ve left behind. It is the most ridiculous. Right now I’m trying very hard to trust that Sarah of 2 weeks ago knew what she was doing. And getting by with a little help, and wisdom, from my friends. Thank you.