December | 2012 | little sarah Big World

No Joke

~OR~

Lately

Baking cookies. ‘Tis the season, after all, and there are friends to catch up with, no matter how packed our schedules.

Catching the light. Twins will be twins, after all, and there are whirlwind weekends to be had, no matter how big and busy the weeks to come.

Getting hitched. Impulsive as ever, after all, and there are perfect memories to be made, no matter if they’re born of necessity.

* * *

But more on all of that later, Friends. For now: Happy Holidays.

And yes, it’s true. It’s all true.

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So some people will say that 4 months is too soon. But look what a difference it makes. Look how far we’ve come. The sky has opened up, and with it our hearts and minds. The whole world has changed, for us, and because of us, and because of everything we’ve been through and everything we’ve promised to go through, together.

Four months ago I was an anxious girl in a strange place, shivering and conflicted.

Now I am somebody who makes Big Decisions and then sticks to them, who greets uncertainty with a smile and a straight back.

Somebody who is scared, yes, but nevertheless I ask “How can we have more fun?”

And if the answer is huge, and daunting, like a mountain rising up through the cold winter air, all sharp white peaks and electric blue sky…then I say “Okay?”

And then we laugh. We talk. We share the sunshine, and we hold hands and jump.

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December 21, 2012

Life’s a Trip

~OR~

“I could go forever with a car, the open road, good music, and good company”

Do you remember when you said that if all we had was a bed and music, we could have an amazing time?

But we also have coffee–sometimes fancy (with maximum adjectives), sometimes simple (black). Sometimes instant, after a nap or with our sunlight closet kitchen breakfasts.

And we have amazing friends, from all over the world. Friends who make us P-shaped sofa beds to sleep on after arriving in the middle of the night–post-party–after 13 hours of driving. Friends who make speeches, or take us to a private beach, or get us tipsy on champagne on a sunny winter’s afternoon.

We have words, too, and crosswords, and we divide and conquer, for maximum fun. We have a new-found sense of comfort around each other, so that just as the faint worry forms itself in my mind (“What if we just sit here and eat in silence like all the saddest couples?”), it is obliterated by how utterly easy it is to be around you.

We have a ukulele! We lose entire mornings to it, burn through lazy afternoons and surprise each other with our sweet-yet-simple, earnest efforts to plunk out a tune. So we do have music, but now we make music, too.

We have snacks for days, and sometimes we have meals. We cook together, and sometimes we say “Fuck it,” and get take-out, and it feels like the most fun, the most giddy and indulgent thing. It feels like milk and cookies with a friend after school. It feels like a sleepover. Like no parents no rules.

And we have sunshine. We have sunshine in our hearts, and warming our scalps, and electrifying our pulses, and we have it in the kitchen, and coming in through the wintery west windows, and in the middle of December. We have easy sunsets on the conversation-fueled charges from Utah to California and back, and we have a steady, stealthy sunrise as we pull into the City of Salt, 8am, 13 hours weary but ready to keep going.

We do a loop around the valley. We arrive back home exhausted, thrilled, enamored.

* * *

So yes, music and a bed would be enough. But we have so, so much more.

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December 10, 2012

Kanpai!

Went to Monterey for the weekend. On our way home today.

Monterey is like our Las Vegas–we don’t really eat or sleep and drink too much and stay up late doing wild things that we almost can’t believe or explain to ourselves the next day. It’s just the thing that happens when we are here together. And it’s fun as hell.

Except this time we are also talking long-term, professing powerful feelings, and studying Japanese. And that is a different kind of fun.

December 9, 2012

Date Night

Lately I’ve been going out, having dates with my friends. A private party with wine and jazz here, a world-class quartet with a meet-and-greet there. Lunches. Movie nights.

Hanging out is an art, as essential in its beauty, simplicity and fulfillment as air or water. For a time I needed a break. I was over-saturated. But now the climate has changed, and I need to feel quenched, to fill myself as full of friendship and memories as possible.