little sarah Big World

Month: October, 2013

Support My Mania, Please

Kobe Colored Sky

The urge to create beautiful things is so strong in me. Letters and words, pictures, postcard, shapes, colors, curves, and praise. I want to leave a beautiful mark. Explode into the sky like a firework blossom, and sparks of light float down everywhere.

Colors & Shapes
Delirious with hangover right now, lack of sleep and too many tears. My eyes are dry and burning swollen. But my heart is set to burst. Pen to paper, and I could go for days, unquestioning. To-dos be damned; I want to FEEL, to taste. I want everything delicious, and beautiful, all art.

Tower of Pocky

Maybe these are my death throes. I’ve considered that. But this is what I must do to stay alive. Send it out of me, everywhere, every which way, and be free.



Things Said, Things Done, Things Made, Hearts Won

Keeping in Touch

Lately: postcards, paper cranes, jelly pens. Doodles, daydreams, dawdling.

Words between friends, and a collective wisdom that has been my saving grace.

Here, what’s been said (altered ever so slightly, to protect those hearts wide open):

“Once you are away from a person all that bad stuff that made you want to end the relationship in the first places starts to get fuzzy, then blurry, then it just disappears into the past. That is when you start second guessing yourself. Did I make the right choice? All I can think about are the good times?? Am I with the right person now? What the hell have I done?!?!? STOP second guessing yourself. You made the right choice.”

“So. Not doing REALLY well, but growing and changing and learning really a lot. We eat super healthy, and run, and cross train. We study when we remember, and play frisbee. We do our own things sometimes (my thing? Drinking while doing laundry and watching trashy movies), and then we come back together.”

“I wish you could see yourself! I wish you could see that you are beautiful and awkward and funny and dorky and intelligent and that you can do so much more in life and find new things for yourself. I want you to, like…get in your car and just drive. Drive off somewhere on your own and start new. Because your place and your city and everything will still be there, and still be the same, when you get back. You’ll fit back in in whatever way you want or need to, and your true loves–family, home and friends–will will adjust around you. Friendships that are worth having will knit themselves back together , or pick up right where they left off.”



Rain Tunnel Reflection

(Nozomi Shinkansen – Tokyo to Kobe)

*       *       *

What if there was nothing to fix?

What if I didn’t need to be working on anything

or Improving


What if I am just fine, as is?

What if I have inherent value

even if I’m not productive, useful, helpful

even if I’m not striving to better myself

What if there is a me, a self, that exists beyond my labels, my relationships, my possessions and passions

A fire that burns inside, a small light

that is

in and of itself

Enough. Read the rest of this entry »

Yoyogi Graffiti

“Either write things worth the reading…


…or do things worth the writing.”

Fall Colors in Yoyogi Park

–Benjamin Franklin

Momiji Over Bridge

Or post a bunch of pictures and quotations because that’s all the internet wants, anyways, and who can blame them? Ben Franklin didn’t know about Pinterest.

Talkin Bout My (Parents’) Generation

Free Flow Post

A day of letter writing and correspondences.


Apple slices, green tea, reading in a tub for two, and paper cranes for the Autumn Altar.

Hallowings II

Things said, things done, things felt…

…and Cat Stevens.

Autumnal Sights & Sounds

Slices of Life

Autumn means apples. No pumpkin spice here, and I’m trying to embrace my immediate experience. Working with what I’ve got.

With Cinnamon

So it’s apples, and Neil Young, and Tom Petty. That is life, right now.

(Vulnerable spots in my life call for music from my parents’ generation, even if it’s music my parents never listened to)

After the Storm

After the Storm

The fields flooded near our house, where we like to go for brisk morning jogs or after dinner walks. Where you can see Mt. Fuji on a clear day.

Flood / Light

But today it is all golden sunshine and metal-tipped waves in the vast ponds that have settled in like a second summer where crops used to be.

I have no idea how devastating the waters are to the farmers, in this late Autumn season. I can’t help myself from marveling at the beauty.

Metallic Waves

Chad tells me that this isn’t the second typhoon of the season, just the second time they’ve cancelled school/work about it. In fact, there have been more than a dozen this year. Angry skies with lots to say.

Newspapers report 17 dead and over twice as many missing. For us it was much more benign–a day off of work, strong winds, heavy rain. Eating and reading and cooking and talking. We did yoga and went for post-storm runs.

After the Storm, Earlier

The strangest part was the middle, its eye, which was sunny and clear and calm as anything. If you didn’t know better, you’d think it was all over, never suspecting the looming clouds and violent gusts ready to return, full-force, before tapering off again. A corner, a tear escaping, then eyes shut, eyes open, sparkling and renewed.

Read the rest of this entry »

Weather Updates


Momiji, Mo Problems

Also from Sunday

School is cancelled tomorrow, due to a typhoon. The second one of the season, and a relative rarity, I’m told.

Already it’s raining in earnest.

Necesitate Wilderness


Seventh Day Recreation

For the Trees

“We need the tonic of wildness…


At the same time that we are earnest to explore and learn all things,


we require that all things be mysterious and unexplorable,


that land and sea be indefinitely wild, unsurveyed and unfathomed by us because unfathomable.

Savoring "Nature"

We can never have enough of nature.”


-Henry David Thoreau

Recent Discoveries

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.”

–Alan Alda

Flora, Washi, Sol

Yesterday I realized that I have had to earn my wisdom same as everyone else: slow and painful. Precocious as a child, I thought I would be spared this trauma of trial and error.

I was wrong.

Variations on Tea and Toast

And that’s okay. Because once I’ve learned something, however hard won the battle, I don’t forget. Mostly.

Really, what I’m learning, every time, is to trust myself. To listen to that blinding clear inner truth and follow it through my fears and to the other side, the side I have not yet discovered.