little sarah Big World

Tag: long walks

slow and unsteady

Sometimes anxiety seems an old friend to me. Someone who comes to stay for a while, usually whenever I go through big life changes. Break-ups. Graduations. Etc.

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Pool Day

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Coping?

Went to the pool with Espy today. Then a long-ish walk. My definition of long walks has changed–I now feel that there is no distance too great to walk, so long as I have the time. Walking calms my nerves and helps me focus my thoughts.

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Uneasy

I have that ol’ Sunday feeling again. Do you know the one? I thought it was something universal, but walking and talking with Espy and she couldn’t relate. I tried to explain it to her, a few ways, finally settling on:

“It’s like I feel there’s something I should be doing, but I don’t know what.”

Part anxiety, part restlessness, part heartache, part blues…it’s a feeling I used to have often, predictably, in high school and college. But I haven’t felt this in a while, and I’ve forgotten what to do about it, if I ever knew.

Do you know the feeling I am talking about?

August 9th, 2012, nearing 2am

I hope I never forget this, this feeling. This moment when we are young, but we are finally women, living on our own, spending what seems to us a great deal of money as we please, and sometimes wisely. A time when we’ve grown into our bodies and our lives, we can walk home without bras and make bad decisions, when we cry so easily and drink too much and live on chips and dip.

And we get closer. We get closer.

I don’t ever want to forget walking home, nearly 2am, and knowing that I should have gone to bed earlier, knowing that I will be exhausted (again) in the morning. So tired I feel like I am already asleep, like I am swimming through the murky-warm waters of a late summer night, all grays and deep blues and the thick, silent air.

My feet sore; my heart happy.

As I Please

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How to Go For a Natural High (High! High! High!)

Wednesday I walked to work, rising early and moving fast to get the blood flowing. Made it on time, too, and what a beautiful morning.

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Good Morning

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But Now Am Found

Last night I stayed up ’til nearly 2 am, writing. On paper. Laptop off, typewriter put away, just pen and ink on the page.

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Doing the Best that I Can

“A nice heart…

…and a white suit…

…and a baby blue sedan…

…and I. Am. Doin’ the best that I can”

-Modest Mouse, “Baby Blue Sedan” (Building Something Out of Nothing)

*       *       *

The less I do, the more I think. The slower I go, the more I understand. A long walk to Perry’s, headphones on, plans for a mix tape, new energy, new Sarah, emerging. One step at a time.

“Baby Blue Sedan” by Modest Mouse

Long Days, Long Rides, Long Walks, Long Talks

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What Passes as Life These Days

After a post about too many pictures and not enough words, I offer you a picture-heavy, verbally sparse post.

And what can I say? It’s been a hell of a weekend, and sometimes the words just aren’t there. Tears, yes. Blood, yes. Words…

Plus lately I’ve been drawn into myself, and I’m okay with that. Lots of long walks, long runs, long bike rides. Alone. I find myself enjoying socialization less and less, though I do still appreciate the time I spend with friends, just talking and talking for hours.

All of these photos are from weeks ago. They’ve just been hanging out in my computer, saved to a draft on WordPress. In limbo.

I, too, feel like I’m in limbo, but it is not an unpleasant feeling. Because it also feels like I’m on the verge of something, something very important.

All I have to do is slow it down, take a step back, and listen.

And wait. Always the waiting.

Street Art in Lima, part I

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Redemption

Hey, guess what, Friends? Lima wasn’t all bad! There was lots of walking, remember? And while I walked, I ran across beautiful graffiti. Along the side of the road…

…on school buildings…

…in the park…

…and even a work in progress:

I wanted so badly to chat with these girls, but couldn’t work up the nerve. Partly because I was so lost in my solo reverie, and partly because they seemed cool as hell, and I didn’t want to be the dorky gringo tourist. Next time, though. Next time.

Lima, Peru

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The Good, The Bad, and The Hungry

So I got my alone time. A day and a half to explore Lima on my own, and parts of it were so satisfying–running in the park…

…buying trinkets and drinking fresh sugar cane juice in the artisan market…

…going for long, long walks on a dreary but not unpleasant day, just to check out the city, its people and plazas…

…admiring the architecture…

…and enjoying the city’s beauty, stopping to eat a churro or snap a photo, because I could. Because I was alone, at last.

On the other hand, Lima is also where I was snubbed by my couch surfing host, walked around for hours (literally) trying to find something to eat, and was openly sexually harassed (the ol’ ass-grab) just outside my hostel.

That was while I was on my way in just to grab my pack and catch a taxi to the airport.

I have never, in my entire life, been more ready to leave a city, more anxious to get back home. I was just done.

36 hours in Lima was more than enough. For me.